How to spot and avoid online dating scams

Sadly, romance scams are becoming more common. A 2024 Santander reportOpens in a new window shows that their customers lost a whopping £6.8 million to this type of scam between 2023 and 2024. 

Scammers often target people on dating sites and apps knowing they are there looking to make a personal connection, which is something they can use to their advantage. 

New technology like AI, video and voice filters are giving scammers an increasingly sophisticated toolkit to convince you to part with your cash, so we’ve got some red flags to look out for and tips to help you avoid online dating scams.

Though it takes on many different forms, a romance fraud or online dating scam is when a scammer fakes a romantic relationship or intimate friendship for financial gain.  

It might take days, months or even years before a scammer asks for money, but once the victim believes their relationship is genuine, emotional manipulation is applied to get them to send money over willingly.  

It may start as a few pounds here and there, but often victims end up transferring thousands, and it isn’t always easy to get that money back. 

Probably the most common romance scam is ‘catfishing’, where someone creates a fictious online persona or uses pictures of somebody else on their social media profiles.   

Scammers might shower you with praise, attention and even gifts to gain your trust. Then they’ll take it away suddenly, leaving you confused and willing to do whatever you can to ‘earn’ back their affection. This is called ‘love bombing’ and is increasingly common in romance scams.

In inheritance romance scams, the scammer claims that a lot of money is coming their way, which will set you both up for the future. But there’s always a snag.  

They might ask for your help to support themselves financially, or convince you to pay for expenses, such as legal fees, deposits or associated travel expenses because the inheritance is held in a foreign bank account.  

It’s not illegal to use somebody else’s pictures online, but it almost certainly would break the terms of service of the platform they’re using. If you come across a fake profile you should report it to the dating site or social network wherever possible.

Where catfishing can become illegal is if the scammer uses the fake profile to trick you into sending them money. This is fraud, and it is against the law.

Santander reports that nearly a third (29%) of Brits would offer financial help to a romantic partner they’ve known for less than six months, and scammers know this. Be wary if any of these common tactics sound familiar.  

If the person you’re talking to online is reluctant to talk on the phone or meet up in real life, it’s possible that they’re not who they’re pretending to be.

A common tactic of dating scammers is to ask you to talk on email, text or WhatsApp, in case the dating site or app gets wise to their scam.

One of the scenarios that romance scammers often use is that they’re stuck abroad on a business trip and don’t have access to their bank accounts. Scam victims frequently report being asked to send money internationally to pay for an alleged visa, only never to hear from them again.

Does the person you’re talking to look like a model? Or do they make it clear that they are very wealthy or charitable? These are common tactics of dating scammers.

You’d be amazed how many international spies are swiping for love these days. Scammers often use international careers to increase the initial excitement of a new relationship, and also as an excuse for not meeting up in person. The most common careers used in romance scam are working on an offshore oil rig, military personnel stationed overseas, and secret agents.   

Some romance scammers are trying to gain enough information about you to be able to steal your identity, it’s not all about getting you to send them money. If they ask you lots of questions, but reveal little about themselves, be cautious.

Is the person you’re talking to professing their love for you without meeting up in real life? They could be attempting to gain your trust so you’re more willing to send them money. Watch out for this kind of ‘love bombing’. Speak to a trusted friend for a second opinion if you feel things move too quickly.

It sounds cynical, but scammers will often tell you that they are recently bereaved or that they or someone they are close to is seriously ill to make you feel sorry for them. It’s a red flag that victims often describe in their accounts of being scammed.

If they can’t keep their story straight, or don’t know what you’re talking about when you bring up something you’ve told them before or they’ve told you, it’s a bad sign. Scammers don’t always work alone. If they’ve forgotten past conversations it could be a group effort.

If you right click on their picture on Chrome it should come up with the option to search Google for this image, or copy the photo and paste it into Google Images to see whether the picture is being used elsewhere online.

If they give you a number with a foreign area code or have an unusual accent for where they’ve told you they’re from, it’s likely you’re being catfished.

If you’ve never met someone in real life you should never transfer them any money. Scammers are known to hire actors to meet you, so even if you’ve met up once or twice you could still be at risk of being scammed.

If you think you might have shared your bank or credit card details with a scammer then let your bank or credit card company know as soon as possible. They might be able to block your card or hold any unusual transactions before the scammer can access your money.

If you’ve already transferred money to a scammer, you might be able to get some, or all, of the funds back, read our blog on How to get a refund for bank transfer scams.

If you’ve been a victim of a scam, you can report it to the police through Action Fraud They could catch the scammer and stop somebody else falling victim to them later down the line. 

For all kinds of scams, remember this advice from Action Fraud: 

• Stop: Always take a moment and think before sending money or telling personal information. A scammer will try and rush or panic you into a decision. 

• Challenge: Ask more questions. The more information you ask for, the more likely a scammer might slip up. Refuse any requests you’re not comfortable with. In fact, their reaction to rejection could tell you all you need to know. 

• Protect: Contact your bank immediately if you think you have fallen for a scam. Change passwords and report it to Action FraudOpens in a new window